The past two months my business has taken a downturn, as in the amount of money coming in not the amount of enthusiasm and effort going out. August I expected to be slow and I planned for it. But September? I didn’t count on that month being slow too. This is the non-sexy part of being an entrepreneur that hardly anyone talks about.
The number I mentioned here about how much potential revenue has almost-but-not-quite materialized has now doubled. Ouch!
While enough money is coming in that I’m getting by (thanks to a ton of people who have been having visual mapping sessions with me and some who have signed up for the year-long mapping program), I’m not where I want to be.
See I have expansion plans. I’m ready to build a solid team of support. I’m in the process of re-architecting my work which includes a re-vamp of my website. I need to take some trainings. Alas, these plans have slowed down because the money has slowed down.
Constriction + worry = inaction.
All the work that hasn’t materialized has been for weird reasons:
- An oil company complaining about the cost of my fee.
- A New Jersey conference center that can’t move a few tables and chairs to accommodate me and my markers, even though my client really wanted me there.
- A regular client who booked me and two days later, as I’m about to send them my contract, changed their mind.
Weirdness. And all of it beyond my control.
I feel like I’ve had my ass handed to me in the last six weeks. Like it’s been one smackdown after another. It’s not as if I haven’t been doing all the right things on my end to make my business work. It’s not as if I don’t have a ton of admirers and supporters.
I’m in the freaking Harvard Business Review right now which has landed me exactly one new client—someone who signed up for my year-long coaching program. It’s like what more do I have to do? Seriously.
I realize I’m in a position of putting my future and the sustainability of my business in the hands of others. Essentially depending on the phone to ring. Which feels constrictive. Limiting. And contains a certain amount of powerlessness.
I’m tired of that.
Sending mixed signals to the universe.
Yes, I’m in a transition with my work where I’m moving from being a graphic facilitator who captures the thoughts and ideas of others in a meeting where tough strategic decisions are being made to being more of a creative insight facilitator who happens to use a large-scale visualization process.
See, I don’t want to be the only person in the room harnessing the creativity. I want to be facilitating the creativity and insights out of the people I work with, like I do with my individual clients in visual mapping sessions.
And teaching people how to come up with their own visual images for problem solving. Because as Dan Roam says,
Whomever has the best picture wins.
But I’m not there yet and I’m not exactly sure what it looks like, so I’m in between.
While I’m growing into this next place I had wanted some ease in the process (as in consistent money flow) to help me get there. I know I’m sending some mixed signals to the universe because I’m in this place of liminality. I get that.
But I still need ease to create and birth this next thing. I’ve decided there are other ways to provide the ease that I want and need. So I’m going to build myself a shelter from the storm I feel like I’ve been in. Because being battered around between expectation and worry takes a toll.
My shelter is a beach.
If I were to build a shelter, what would it feel like? Look like? What would it allow me to do? How would it protect me? What are the qualities of my shelter?
Because the metaphor for my business is a tropical island, my shelter feels like a vacation. On a vast beach with hardly any other people around. And barely any connectivity. Just time and space to gaze out at the ocean.
With an endless view to the horizon where all you feel is immaculate spaciousness.
And the heat of the sun on my limbs, warming and nourishing me.
The taste of saltwater on my lips as I frolic with the dolphins. And pina coladas.
There is so much luxurious relaxation and expansiveness in my shelter.
For me it’s not so much a pulling in to a cave or a dwelling, as it is an opening to the elements and a grounding of myself in the rhythms and flow of the ocean.
This is a place where I can create from. Because I’ve got things I want to create. Big things that people are waiting for.
I’m going to see if I can build this shelter for myself on my wide vast beach instead of feeling battered by a storm I can’t control.
Update: In addition to the comments, I received a bunch of lovely, reassuring emails (thank you!), one of which I’m going to hang on my wall because among the many wonderful things this person wrote was this gem:
…your business may be in an ebb state, your presence is in a flow state.
And yesterday, after posting this–essentially building my shelter–I created two wonderful things that are going to pay huge dividends down the road. The muse is at play….yum!